Hey guys.
This post is not really positive, so read if you want to.
I am feeling really down about my body right now. I've been on vacation for one week in North Carolina with my boyfriend and his family. I've been eating out a lot, eating tons of cereal, and ice cream practically every night. FULL FAT ice cream.
On top of all of that I haven't been doing daily exercise. We've been walking almost every day. Two nights in a row Brad and I did do a run on the beach. And, most nights I've been doing some abdominal exercises, but I have gained weight and it's really pulling me down, emotionally.
I know that I am not
fat, but I feel ugly and I
FEEL fat. It's like I have lost all that I have been working for. I was going to the gym 6 days a week. I did yoga 3 times a week. Cardio every day. Strength training about 3 times a week. And, now I feel LAZY.
I honestly can't wait to get home tonight and then tomorrow morning head to the gym. I also need to cut the bad eating habits that I have become accustomed to here.
I only have 1.5 weeks to get back to the way I was before I go to Argentina. I CAN'T do what I did last time I was there (2 years ago). I gained 6 lbs. I was the biggest I had ever been. 6 lbs doesn't sound like much, but I was puffy. And, it caused me to spiral into my eating disorder. I know that I still have a disorder, but it's not nearly as fierce as it was then. I gained that weight because I would eat wayyy tooooo many sweets each and every day. I was eating red meat, fried foods, very cheesy stuff. I wasn't exercising at all either.
I think this summer will be different. I hope. I will be staying with my host sister, Mili, who is very health conscious, like me. She eats a healthy clean diet: lots of yogurt, fish, fresh vegetables and fruit. Her mom grows a garden with avocados and she even makes homemade almond milk and yogurts! I am very thankful for that. And, Mili told me that we could run/walk every day. Plus, I think I am going to bring some fitness DVDs and there is always Hulu to find exercise t.v. and other videos on. Plus, I will be taking yoga classes every week (maybe every day, if I have the time). It's only $40 for a full month of yoga classes. Mili is also a dancer, so I will be participating in some dance classes.
My 5 weeks in Argentina will be healthy, I think. I hope. Fingers crossed.
I know that I can do this. I know that I can get back to my fitness routine of going to the gym every day this next week and a half. I know that I can get back to eating healthy. I have a buttload of yogurt at home waiting to be eaten. I need to eat all of my perishables. So, meals will pretty much be overnight oats (with yog), yogurt messes, yogurt and fruit, chicken salad (made with greek yog), spinach salads with grilled chicken, salmon, fresh veggies. I also have some breads to eat like wraps, pita, sandwich thins. I want to try to avoid cereal as much as I can, but I do have some boxes that I need to eat up that are open. Cereal is a food that causes much strife with my eating disorder. I will eat a bowl of it for a snack (not a very filling and healthy snack). Then, I will go back for more...and more...and more. After I finish my stock of cereal, I think I am only going to keep two healthy boxes of it on me at once.
I also haven't been drinking enough water this past week. I feel sluggish and dehydrated. Too much sugar, fat, and other bad stuff from ice cream. I want to flush my toxins. So, onto healthy eating and fitness it is!
Sorry, I know this was a very negative post. But, I needed to vent. I keep complaining to Brad, but he just tells me I am fine...beautiful the way I am. I know that I am beautiful to him. But, I want to be beautiful to MYSELF too. I felt amazing before this week. I had nice abs, firm thighs, butt, and arms. Now I feel like blubber. I am making a promise to myself that by the time my plane jets off to Argentina in a week and a half, I will be back to the way I was before. I can do this! How is that for positivity?